|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
"That only happens to communists and gypsies. I'm a clean-cut American. I'll never get it. Never."
-Doug Garrison (1971-1989)
Oh really, Doug? Well, you're dead. Congratulations for being one of millions who thought it'd never happen to them. It does happen, everyday in every city around the globe. It happens to electricians, free-lance artists, jugglers, grandmas, pornstars, short-order cooks, bowlers, teachers, custodians, lumberjacks, farmers, house painters, accountants, groundskeepers, florists, dental hygenists, pizza delivers, grocers, podiatrists, firemen, thieves, communists, and gypsies.
The American Medical Association rates Gingivitis 3 out of 4 stars on the Albert Nasty scale, which efffectively means it's not very cool. In fact, Dr. Wally Wallerstone, a resident at Jim Varney Memorial Hospital, frequently refers to gingivitis as being quite, "bogus."
Dr. Wallerstone
Gingivitis is no laughing matter. Take a look at some of these staggering statistics:
-15% of 30% of half the population of Little Hocking, OH has gingivitis.
-odds are 15 to 1 that you've shaken hands with someone who has given a ride to someone who works with somebody who has gingivitis.
Don't sell the farm quite yet. The AMA has released a set of guidelines that would aid in the prevention of gingivitis.
-eat ten sheets of notebook paper a day.
-change the oil in your car.
-steal a cat and then return it through the mail.
-brush your teeth
-floss
By adhering to this set of guidelines, there is a 23% chance that you will not get gingivitis and die within the next year. God Bless.