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All Year Long, Every Year. For Kids Ages 6-12
Tired of being a non-superstar, living a non-superstar lifestyle? Unless you are the second coming of Jesus Christ, then you need to learn the ins and outs of being a superstar. This is not an easy task. It normally would take years to master, but with this extensive week-long sleepaway camp, you can easily and efficiently master every aspect of the superstar life.
Ed McMahon will whip your sorry ass into the shape of someone who could host next year's Blockbuster Awards. Ed will use the latest methods of motivation. Ed will deprive you of sleep. Ed will hold your parents hostage to give you that little extra incentive, that is sure to put you over the edge. Ed might keep you saturated in cheap, 80 proof vodka. If you have being a superstar written into your daily planner for some time in the near future, you're going to need to be able to hold your booze and go about your daily routine. Ed might yell at you in a degrading manner until you cry. But to make an effective superstar, you have to build from the foundation up. That's just how it works, sissy.
You will be busy during this "hot, sexy week," as Ed calls it, despite the fact that any sexual activity on the grounds is strictly prohibited. Ed reasons that it's still sexy because of the forbidden aspect of it all. Perhaps.
As you can see, this is a vigorously intensive camp that is not there to "introduce" you to the superstar life. No, you come to this camp a nobody, and leave a superstar. Of course that's not a guarantee of any nature. Sign up today. Or tomorrow. Or next week. But sign up, and send us $100,000. The hundred thousand dollars is not the fee for the camp, it would just be a nice gift. It really would. Toodles.