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-Suzie and Ted Shoemaker-
Aw...Aren't they precious little fat-asses?
Truth of the matter is that Ted and "Little" Suzie are not children. Both are actually in their mid-thirties and convicted felons. Ted has a little problem with the "nose candy" and underaged girls, while Suzie likes to accompany little old men in their search for "an old fashioned good time". Old fashioned? Only if you have a good dose of bondage before you head out to work in the morning.
Mid-thirties? Fuckin' A. Mid-thirties. Ted and Suzie are brother and sister all right, but with the hefty trust fund they inherited from their parents,
-Keith and Patty Shoemaker-
Good job raising kids.
after their tragic car accident back in 1983. What do Ted and Suzie decide to spend their money on? An investment in their futures? No. They decide to use the money to fund their sick passion for eating the pets of their neighbors. Step One: Heavy plastic surgery. Why? No one suspects a couple of chubby kids for all of the missing pets that plague the neighborhood.
Ted-Before Surgery Suzie-Before Surgery
Why do they eat animals? God only knows. Sick thrills possibly. But one thing is for damn sure. They eat pets.
I've taken it upon myself to trace their footsteps. They move from town to town, eat some pets and then leave. The key to this twisted game of the Shoemakers is that the animals have to be pets. They have to know that behind every fuzzy little creature there will be a small child crying themselves to sleep because their pet is missing. It's sick. It's the Shoemaker way.
Cats, Dogs, Snakes, Birds, Hamsters, Goldfish. They could give a flying squirrel fuck. They just want your pets.
I should know, I'm a victim. Just like everyone else on my block. But we're not just going to stand idly by and let another family pet disappear from God's green earth. My neighbors and I have hired the services of ace private detective, Myron De La Santos...
Myron De La Santos
With Myron on the case you can bet that he'll back up his words: "I'll tie their fat-asses to the back of my Harley, and drag them from house to house, so they can apologize for every living creature that they sent to the inferno that lays in their miserable guts."
Myron believes that the Shoemakers are traveling in a motorhome. Watch out, and keep you pets close to safety.